As you know I named the shop that Kitty is hoping to rent, Buttons and Bows (previous post).
Kitty has now arrived and is ready to meet the landlord and his mother. I have tried to describe the shop as best I can. This was a challenge, as I need to get across the fact that the shop is on a corner. Here is my effort. * indicates the names of the roads will be added at a later date. I have a very good Victorian map and will find the right place for the shop from that.
Nervously Kitty approached the area where the large, red bricked building, sat in a prominent position. It was on the corner of two roads *. There were two medium sized windows on the ground floor and the same above, they looked out onto the roads, when you looked at the shop face on, the two windows to the left looked out onto * and the other two faced the lighter, brighter *. The brown, shop door was central to the windows and Kitty could see a tall, neatly dressed man waiting in front of it.
I found the photograph at the top of the page after writing the description, and that is the type of shop I am aiming to describe. As always your input, support and comments are gratefully received.
7 Comments:
Sounds intriguing!
I'm not sure if your asking a question or not, but you could use the word "intersection" to explain that its on the corner, just a thought.
Hi Mom's Choice
Thanks, for the input and for dropping by. :)
Hi Glynis! Looks like a lovely building for Buttons and Bows. Maybe you could break up the description into two different places in the book? It's a lot to take in, just with words. You've done it well, but it's still a stretch to picture. Maybe just do one side as she walks along that street and then let her "discover" the other side?
Just an idea...
Thanks Sharkbytes, something to ponder.
Hi Glynis
I just came across your blog in a random search on google and this exercise looked very interesting. I think Sharkbytes is right. You need to break up the description.
If you don't want to do that, what about...
Nervously Kitty approached the double-storied, red-brick building at the corner of two roads *. Two medium-sized windows on each floor overlooked the roads. Glass has no character of its own, she thought, trying to avoid thinking about *
The windows on the right faced sunny * and seemed so inviting, while the same amount of glazing on the other side was darker, more mysterious/sinister/forbidding. A tall, neatly dressed man was standing in front of the door. What was he waiting for?
Cheers
Farahad.
www.farahadzama.com
Thank you Farahad, you have given me a little more to work with.
Post a Comment