She, She, She ~ Revised

Yesterday's post was seeking assistance, thank you to those of you who came to my aid.
During the rewriting, I added a little here and there, did a little bit of juggling and have posted a revised version. Your opinion, again, is gratefully received.

Yesterday's work:

Kitty hurried along the road, the clouds above looked grey and threatening, she blessed the umbrella on her arm, she didn't fancy getting a soaking this morning.She had selected her outfit carefully, she wanted to look and feel like a business woman, she had seen a few of these independent ladies in a magazine. The brown, flecked woollen skirt and jacket, with a white frilled necked blouse were her choice, she added to that a little bonnet with cream flowers and a cameo brooch at the throat. She wanted to look confident, but she also wanted to look as if she had only just enough money to meet the rent of the shop she was going to view, the landlord did not know she knew the price and she did not want to look as if she could afford more.

The revised version:

Kitty hurried along the road, the clouds above looked grey and threatening, she blessed the umbrella on her arm, she didn't fancy getting a soaking this morning.

She had selected her outfit carefully, she wanted to look and feel like a business woman. Having browsed through a few magazines for ideas, she had come across pictures of these independent ladies, and they had made quite an impression on her. Her choice was a brown, flecked woollen skirt and jacket, with a white frilled necked blouse. She had added to that a little bonnet with cream flowers, and a cameo brooch at the throat finished off the look she was seeking. Her hair was pulled back and tied neatly with a contrasting ribbon.

Kitty knew she looked confident, but she also wanted to look as if she had only just enough money to meet the rent of the shop she was about to view. Her idea was to look keen, but not really show her true feelings; the excitement that was surging through her body and the anticipation of what might be.

The landlord she was meeting, didn't know she knew the price, and she did not want to look as if she could afford more. (continues)