I experienced a funny sensation when writing today. I questioned my ability to write and became, what I can only describe as 'fearful'.
I was afraid of wasting time, making a fool of myself and kidding myself I could write this novel.
I do not know where the feeling came from, I have support and encouragement around me. I obviously have a little self doubt that crept out from under the blanket of 'can I pull this off?'.
It is strange, I have been writing so well lately and had no reason for this to happen. I do know I have to pull my ideas together a little better as I have an Octopus of a book, it has many arms which point in many directions!
For want of a better description, I want a graceful Swan but have an Ugly Duckling at the moment!
I am following professional authors and their advice. DH wonders if that is the problem, I am trying too hard to follow their guidelines and getting muddled, or forgetting I am a 'newbie', maybe he is right, although I find the hints and tips useful.
I have ideas bouncing around my head, in various notebooks and on scraps of paper again. I did try and keep organised but I seem to have lost my way. This I think is a warning to me, it is telling me, stop, think and organise your research again.
I am alright with just writing what comes into my head, it is when I add my research pieces that I have my moments. Have I got it right? Does it come across clear enough? Will the reader understand what I am doing with this storyline?
I know this is a blip and I am sure I will get emails telling me it is ok to feel like this.
When I write poems or a short story I do not have this nagging feeling. It is because this is a new adventure for me and I am sure the 'fear' will make me stronger and more focused...just not today!
5 Comments:
Turn around and ask your fear, "Even if I never sold this, would I still write?"
The fear is pointless. you'd still do it. Writing is in you.
You are so right Marisol...I will still write it regardless! I have to or it won't go away :)
Glynis- We were so ingrained with the idea that writing stories was a waste of time. I'm glad you don't feel that with our other work! Keep at it, gal! I am so busy writing boring articles about stupid topics that I feel like I don't have any creative juices left for other writing. I hope that doesn't last forever.
Yes Sharkbytes, I think sometimes I can hear my father in my ear "stop wasting time" :)
I never find your blog boring so keep going! :)
I'm sure you already know that the fear is a passing thing. This is an opportunity though. Just like you did in this post, maybe you could incorporate that fear into your writing. A strong emotion like that might be good.
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