When describing our characters, how far should we go? What I mean is, do we need to go into minute details? When editing and the words hit the cutting room floor, do we lose out by removing descriptive words, or is a simple sentence enough to get the message across. When we need to remove words to achieve a set word count will we portray our characters exactly how we want them to come across?
For Example: You have to get a word count of 18 and you have written 36, how do you get your message across without losing the description?
- He looked into her eyes, radiant and alive, they twinkled with the background light. Her lashes were long, dark and framed her topaz pools perfectly. She had wrinkle free skin, it was peach soft and smooth. (36)
- He looked into her blue, sparkling eyes, framed by long eyelashes. Her skin was so smooth and perfect. (18)
In both sentences we know she has blue eyes,long eyelashes and perfect skin. With the last one the reader gets the point, the story flows the same, and the important bit... word count is adhered to.
I was recently told that too many 'flowery' descriptions can be off putting, and that runs with my thoughts about a previous post I have on here about Laurence Durrell and his use of descriptions.
Recently I read a self published book by an author from the UK. I felt the writer was showing off and had written words not used in everyday language. For me as the reader, I wanted to get stuck into the flow of the book, I didn't want to rush to the nearest dictionary or thesaurus. I didn't want to ignore the words, but some nagged at me all the way through. I felt and heard pompousness (is that really a word? It is hard on the tongue), I felt the writer was belittling me, to me that's an awful thing to do to a reader, to make them feel small and unworthy.
12 Comments:
I think that it's important to write for your readers. If you have a particular readership in mind, you can tailor your language to suit.
Looking at some articles written for the web demonstrates what you mention here about belittling the reader. I have read a few articles, especially on the Triond site, that seem to attempt to do this.
Good morning, Glynis,
I'm no expert and I write in a style that is unpopular in the industry, however I think:
I'm not wild about the second sample. It is dull. Sample one is a bit over the top and could stop the story (which is what too much description does).
This is only one possible compromise: 'He looked into her eyes, radiant and alive in the dim light.' (Granted it is difficult to do one line rewrites in a vacuum - they might be in the park for a picnic. In that case, dim is the wrong word. However, I don't know what 'background' means.)
Reading a section aloud to someone helps. If they roll their eyes, it is too much. Seriously, if you read a chapter to someone and don't lose their attention and they aren't simply being polite, the mix is probably right.
This is prose, not poetry, but don't be distant with your readers. Talk to them like you're in the same room, chatting with each other. Good beta readers will catch this stuff for you.
Great post. I always find your blog interesting.
Thanks Louie and Nadine for your comments.
Louie, I know what you mean about some Triond writers.
Nadine I think your style is just fine.
Thanks for the blog compliment :)
Hi!
You just picked up on a HUGE pet peeve of mine. The eye color thing. I like to learn about eye color through someone else... through another character. If you write is well, you won't have to mention it again.
SO, here's what I would do...
He looked into her eyes. Had he ever noticed how long her lashed were? How they protected the vast blue of her eyes? Those eyes that sparkled like the sea, eyes he could lose himself in.
And then I'd never mention her eye color again. Not one more time in the novel. ;) Just my own little quirk!
Thanks for leaving your peeve and quirk Suzanne ;0 LOL
Glynis, this is a great post. You're so right. Too much description is over-wrought. Ironically, taking the reader out of the story. Yet too little can leave you lost, not at all grounded in the story.
Here's a description from Lisa Jackson's Almost Dead:
Along with a gust of rain-washed air, she caught a hint of his aftershave and a whole lot of unwanted memories. As upset as she was, she still noticed the hint of beard shadow covering his strong jaw and the laserlike intensity of his blue eyes.
Now, we don't know how tall he is or what his shirt looks like. The color of his hair isn't mentioned nor his age. In fact, she gave us just what we needed In The Moment, to capture a 'feel'.
When I think of description, my gut reaction is to slow down. Just drop in a piece here and there, enough to give us the feel in each scene.
I also love when an author ties description in with an emotional reaction or private thought. That to me is more telling than the description.
He looked into her blue, sparkling eyes, framed by long eyelashes. Her skin was so smooth and perfect.
Her blue eyes sparkled, but with guile or innocence? Even now, he couldn't be sure. Smooth, perfect skin, the kind he ached to run his fingers over. Yet even now he couldn't help but wonder at the packaging.
Her blue eyes sparkled, reminded him of happier times. A soft blue, like a summer sky when the two of them laughed at some silly joke. He remembered how her skin felt beneath his finger tips--soft and impossibly smooth.
So now down to 18?
Her blue eyes were radiant pools of wonder. Her skin, soft as a fresh peach.
Fun!! Thanks, Glynis. I feel like I got to drop into a writing class. *grin*
--Chiron O'Keefe
The Write Soul: www.chironokeefe.blogspot.com
Chiron, thanks for that. I love how you worked my piece. Glad you enjoyed your time here!
I agree with Nadine. I think the first sentence is over the top, but the second isn't enough. I think we should all aim for somewhere in between.
An interesting post, Glynis. Hmmm, where description is concerned, I think `less is often more'. It is a constant preoccupation of mine trying to achieve the right balance. Hope you are wonderfully well. x
Hi Glynis. I've just been reading your old post...I've completely missed this one in 2009. I completely stop reading a book when I don't understand the words, LOL!
Gosh, even I had forgotten about this one, Len! Thanks for reading. x
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