What a funny mood I have been in. It started when I got all the positive comments about my wip. It was like an euphoric slump, nothing major happened, just a low point in my writing week. One minute I was on a high and the next, I was avoiding my desk. After all the positive feedback, I expected to be bashing at the keys and filling notepads by the score. The opposite happened,
I didn't want to blog here anymore, I couldn't face logging on, it was very strange.
I discussed it with DH, he wondered if it was because I had a task to finish. As I had shown some of you my work and all comments and emails were positive, he wondered if it was fear of rising to the expectations of others. I had given you all hope that I was going to produce something worth reading.
I laughed but thought, maybe he is right. Maybe I have given myself a hurdle so high with spectators watching, that I am nervous of jumping and landing on the other side.
My work sits untouched, I have done everything I can to avoid it. Hours wasted on Twitter, pretending I am connecting with authors and building a platform, my imaginary agent and publisher want me to build.
I wrote poems, made cards, tinkered with things around the house and made silly videos (I uploaded one here related to my breakdown ten years ago. I did read several books, so that was a plus, but all the time my eye was on the blue tray that houses my ms. Guilt oozed from every pore, I was letting myself down and Kitty is waiting for the world to meet her.
How seriously am I taking myself as a writer? Who am I kidding? Am I just playing with words or am I really ready to commit myself properly?
I have come too far for me to give up, I know that. I want to write the book, I want to be published (who doesn't?), but more importantly, I want to finish the book. So why, if I want to do something so badly, can I not commit this week?
- Am I tired of the story? No-I enjoy writing and reading it.
- Have I got a blocked brain? No-My ideas are still flowing.
- Are my characters boring? For me -no, they are alive and kicking, with different challenges to share.
Maybe my characters just wanted a holiday...who knows. I will keep you informed of my progress as soon as I think there is any.
5 Comments:
Hi Glynis, Hope you are well. I feel like this sometimes. I think it's all part of the process. I find that engaging in an unbroken session of free-writing helps me re-focus. I'm sure you'll be back in the flow sooner than you think. xx
Glynis, I know exactly how you feel. I fought against my three books for so long and I couldn't possible explain why. I think it has to do with a fear of not being good enough. We want so badly to tell our stories, to let our characters out into the world with lives of their own. We talk to others who tell us (truthfully) that our writing is good. But when it comes down to it, what if those that matter (agents, editors, publishers, contest judges) don't like it?
It's frightening putting your heart on the page and then sending it out into the world. But I believe that if you've been given a story and you do your best, your absolute best to write it, shape it, give it life, then it will resonate with someone and it will take flight.
Happy weekend,
Jen
Thank you Carol and Jen, I feel 'normal' now. It has been very strange.
I think it's a common reaction. I know every time my publisher assigns me a new book, I waste weeks before I get started, even though I'm excited about the subject and getting to work on it.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Yes, yes, yes, I felt this way! But I could never put it into words as well as you did. The good news is the feeling eventually goes away and the writing resumes.
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