Query Letter About My Writing Career

I have to start considering the dreaded Query letter. I think this and the synopsis, are the most written about topics on blogs I read. They are not looked upon as friends of writers either. They are almost the enemy.
I did start jotting down a few words, playing with styles and voices. Trying to come across as an interesting person, a writer with a scraping of intelligence and one who has humour.

Dear Agenttoobee
Thank you for taking the time to read this query letter. It left the village on a donkey, hence the strange perfume...As you can see I have now lost the plot. I have run out of ideas of what to say. Milk, bread, fish, insoles ar...

Dear Agentoobee
I submit my manuscript with the hope it has managed to climb from the slush pile onto your desk. It took four weeks for me to think of what to say to you with regard to my writing career. I am not sure why it took so long, maybe it is because I do not have a writing career, and I was hoping to have achieved one within those four weeks. I wrote a poem when I was twelve for a school contest. It won. I wrote a short story for a health contest, it was a runner up, (the prize was a first aid box...I owned two pharmacies.So as you can see, I did not enter for the prize but for the challenge. I rang up and challenged a well known nursing magazine editor. I told her she should write something more positive about returning to nursing practice. She told me to write it myself and send it it in. I did and they published both articles, and paid me off at the third, it was fun working with the photographer. I wrote on a couple of Internet writing sites. I have blogs. I have entered a few poetry competitions and won three.I self published two poetry books. I have had articles published in two lifestyle magazines on the island of Cyprus. They were in English not Greek by the way. I have just realised(UK English, not a mispelt word),yes, I have realised I have a writing career, I have followers, I have a portfolio and platform. Gosh when did that happen?

Dear Agentwhoislaughingherheadoff
Was it really that bad?

Dear AgentIwanttoreadyournovel
I have been writing since the age of twelve, I have an established platform and a portfolio of work.

DearAgentwhoisreallyborednow
How the heck do I write a query letter and what does procrastination mean?

Yours in a muddle
Glynis with a near completed novel.

For those of you who got this far in the post, please leave me links to any query letter advice posts you have written or come across, thanks.