New Opening: Edit Session Outcome: What Do You Think?

I have been busy rewriting Ripper My Love. Edits have given me mixed emotions.

• Do I carry on? 
• Can I do this? 
• Yeah! That reads okay.
• Oh, I am pleased with this
• Woah, what made me write that?

I am sure you can all relate to the list.
I would like to see what you think of part of the new opening chapter. I think it sets the scene much better than before my Red Pencil session with Emily Bryan.

Please leave comment and constructive critique should you so wish. All help is gratefully received.

Before Emily's Red Pencil treatment:

He stood back in the shadows and watched as the young redhead tripped, then reached out to steady herself against the wall. She didn't look as if she had been under the influence of alcohol, as many of the women in the area were. The watcher decided to stay within the blackness of the shadows, this was not the girl for him tonight.

Kitty lifted her skirts as she stepped gingerly through the dirty alley way, the gas lamp flickered and cast shadows about her. Never one for being nervous of her surroundings, Kitty felt a new sensation, a feeling of being watched or followed. No noises had made her skin crawl, just a feeling deep inside. She walked a little quicker and the clip of her heels echoed around the dimly lit, narrow lane.
Her father would skin her alive if he knew she had taken this way home. Before the new street lamps had been put in place, the city of London was in darkness and she would never have walked home this way. She mentally chided herself ,only a few weeks previous, a woman had been murdered in the area and they hadn't caught the murderer yet. Some of her neighbours with relatives near the murder scene, had been told the woman had been hacked to death, but her friend, Billy Irish said she had been cut up by a professional.

Billy never said any more than that, just 'cut up by a professional'. Kitty often wondered what sort of person would be considered professional in Billy's eyes; maybe he meant a doctor. One of the surgeon types who cut off her mother's leg when the ulcers ate deeper into her flesh. If the woman had been hacked to death it would probably have been by a gang member from the riverside.

'Cut up by a professional', the words made Kitty shudder, it was a horrible thought that the murdered woman's life ended in a neat and tidy killing. Carried out just to satisfy another's need or fantasy. Maybe she had fallen behind with the rent and the landlord arranged her demise.
Kitty allowed her mind to continue along the morbid path of murder, her blood ran cold at the thought and she regretted walking through the short cut. The next time she returned from visiting her friends she would walk down Whitechapel Road. It was probably much safer, as there were more people walking along the street. She could hear the noise from the crowds turning out of the public houses and theatres in the distance, Kitty wished she was amongst them at that present time.
She shivered from the chill of the night air, and as she did so, she lost her footing, she reached out to the wall to steady herself. If anyone had seen me then, she giggled inwardly, they would think I'd been helping myself to the ale at Mrs Parker's.

As she walked on she was relieved to see the end

Emily's guidance rewrite:

Kitty shivered from the chill of the night air, and as she did so, she lost her footing. She reached out to the wall to steady herself. If anyone had seen me then, she giggled inwardly, they would think I'd been helping myself to the ale at Ma Parker's.
She lifted her skirts as she stepped gingerly through the dirty alley way.

The gas lamp flickered and cast shadows about her. Never one for being nervous of her surroundings, Kitty experienced a new sensation, a feeling of being watched or followed. No noises had made her skin crawl, just a nag deep inside to stay alert.
She walked a little quicker, the clip of her heels echoed around the dimly lit, narrow lane. She was late for her reading lesson with Arthur, and he was not one for being kept waiting. It always set him off into a sulky mood. His moods irritated her, and she did not want her day to end trying to passify him.

The alleyway led out onto a small narrow yard. The yard was empty, it looked different to how Kitty usually saw it. There were no shadows that danced, no welcome glow, no matter how dim. It was much darker than where she had just walked from. She squinted her eyes and could just make out the exit. It was a distant grey area ahead. The black represented solid buildings and the grey, is where a faint trickle of light fell from the main road. Black shapes lined the backs of the buildings, she knew them to be barrels stacked up on top of one another. They didn't look like it tonight. When she walked through the yard in daytime, they were weathered tan in colour, their evening shade was not so pleasant. A sudden movement in one corner made her heart thump. She heaved a sigh of relief when she saw it was only a rat going about its business. It was clear that it had disturbed some rotten food behind one of the barrels. Within seconds, the scuttle of several rats added to the eery atmosphere. The hairs on Kitty's arm tingled and her stomach knotted with fear. It had not occurred to her that the tanner would not light his yard at night.
It was with relief Kitty knew because of where she was, the main road was not much further and she kept up her quickend pace. Why did her legs feel like rocks, when she needed them to float like feathers? Her father would skin her alive if he knew she had taken this way home.

Before the new street lamps had been put in place, the city of London was in darkness. In those days she would never have walked home this way in the evening. She mentally chided herself. Only a few weeks previous, a woman had been murdered in the area.

The final edit, edit number six: (optimism at its best, LOL).

    Kitty hurried along the alleyway, the clip of her heels echoed as she walked. Dark shadows danced around her. She would have preferred a live companion to escort her, not those who made her nervous. Every movement that flitted across the brickwork, made her glance over her shoulder, nervous adrenalin kept her moving forward.

She shivered from the chill of the night air, and as she did so, she lost her footing. She reached out to steady herself against the wall and giggled.

If anyone had seen me then they would have thought I had helped myself to the ale at Ma Parker's.

   The flicker of the gas lamps, added nothing to the ambiance of the route she had chosen. If told she was foolish and irresponsible, at that moment, she would have to agree. The rumours of a murdered woman had been confirmed by the local constabulary. It was too close to home be ignored, and Kitty knew she had been silly to take the shortcut. She was late home and Arthur would be annoyed, the alley was the quickest way across town. He hated it when she was late for reading lessons. He would sulk in only the way Arthur knew how. It irritated Kitty to think she would have to sit and watch him scowl, tonight of all nights. She was not in the mood to passify him.

It had been five years since she lost her mother, and the visit to her grave tonight, had triggered memories and tears. She had spent longer at the cemetery than she had anticipated.

   A noise made Kitty's skin crawl. The hairs on her arm tingled as she experienced a new sensation; a feeling of being watched or followed. A nag deep inside told her to stay alert.

   The alleyway led out onto a small narrow yard. The yard was empty, it looked different to how Kitty usually saw it. The sudden lack of lamplight was unexpected, and it was much darker than where she had just walked from. She squinted her eyes and could just make out the exit. It was a distant grey area ahead. The black represented solid buildings and the grey, was where a faint trickle of light fell from the main road. It was not a welcome glow, just an indication of the yard exit. Black shapes lined the backs of the buildings, she knew them to be barrels stacked up on top of one another. They didn't look like it tonight. When she walked through the yard in daytime, they were weathered tan in colour, their evening shade was not so pleasant. Another noise and sudden movement in one corner made her heart thump. She heaved a sigh of relief, it was only a rat going about its business. It had disturbed some rotten food behind one of the barrels, Kitty could smell the decay. Within seconds, the scuttle of several rats added to the eery atmosphere. Kitty's stomach knotted with fear. It had not occurred to her that the tanner would not light his yard at night.

What fool I am, stupid, stupid fool.

  It was with relief Kitty knew where she was, thanks to the outline of the left hand building. The main road was not much further and she kept up her quickened pace.

Why do my legs feel like rocks, when I need them to float like feathers? Father would skin me alive if he knew I had taken this way home.

   Before the new street lamps had been put in place, the city of London had always been in darkness. In those days she would never have walked home this way in the evening. Had she known the yard was not lit, she might have decided against the shortcut. The killer of the murdered woman had still to be found. Speculation as to who had done it, made for daily conversation. Some of her neighbours with relatives near the murder scene, had been told the woman had been hacked to death.